Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
