sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
