Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
