dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
