I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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