i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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