I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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