omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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