do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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