Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
