If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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