We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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