i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize