maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
