he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
