Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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