Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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