omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
