Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
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