Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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