Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
