How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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