I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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