my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
