oh fat girl friday strikes again...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I intend to get homeless drunk
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
