They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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