Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
