Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
