I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
