I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
