My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
