no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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