He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
