Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You've changed since you got that strap on
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
