dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
