Ambien. No doubt about it.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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