being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
