omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
