If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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