i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
