She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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