Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Randomize
