party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
