ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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