Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
