She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
