Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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