Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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