she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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