I am puke
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
