we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
