Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
