The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
