i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Duck Duck Cougar?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
