Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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