3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
